Swinging 101
See Also Our Swingers
Dictionary History of swinging?
(wikipedia)
Historically, it has not been uncommon to find societies that have advocated
having multiple sexual partners. Furthermore both royalty and nobility
in many cultures had consorts and concubines. Ancient Rome has been notable
(if not infamous) for its enthusiastic acceptance of orgies and alternative
sexual practices. However, though contemporary swingers celebrate those
ideals, the actual practice of swinging in the 20th century began differently.
According to Terry Gould's The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites
of Swingers (ISBN 1-55209-482-0), swinging began among U.S. Air Force
pilots and their wives during World War II. In this small community, the
mortality rate among pilots was significantly high. Gould reports that
a close bond between pilots arose, with the implication that the husbands
would protect and care for all the wives as their own, both emotionally
and sexually, if the husbands were away or lost.
This historical narrative is debatable, however, since it would have
been highly unusual for servicemen's wives to accompany them on any foreign
tours of duty. Other sources point to American Air Force pilots stationed
in the California desert as the original participants in modern swinging.
Though the exact beginnings are not agreed upon, it is widely assumed
that swinging began amongst American miltiary communities in the 1950s.
By the time the Korean War ended, these groups had spread from the bases
to the nearby suburbs. The media picked up on them in 1957 and promptly
dubbed the phenomenon "wife-swapping."
It wasn't until the 1960’s in Berkeley, California that the first
organization, "Sexual Freedom League", for swingers was opened.
Ultimately, an umbrella organization called North American Swing Club
Association (NASCA) was formed to encourage accurate information about
swinging lifestyles all across America.
Research into Swinging Lifestyles (from
wikipedia)
Some subjective scientific research into swinging has been conducted in
the USA since the late 1960s. The most recent study, based on an Internet
questionnaire addressed to visitors of lifestyle-related sites, found
swingers are happier in their relationships than the norm.
60% of swingers said that swinging improved their relationship and only
1.7% said it made their relationship less happy. Half of those who rated
their relationship very happy before becoming swingers maintained it had
become even happier.
90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved them.
Almost 70% of swingers claimed no problem with controlling jealousy, around
a quarter admitted "I have difficulty controlling jealousy when swinging"
to be somewhat true but only 6% said this was "Yes, Very Much"
true.
Swingers rate themselves happier (59% against 32% very happy) and their
lives much more exciting (76% against 54% exciting) than does the rest
of the population, by surprisingly large margins.
There was no difference between the responses of men and women, although
more males (70%) than females completed the survey. (Bergstrand &
Williams, Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers, Electronic
Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol.3, 10 October 2000 [2]).
Swinging Etiquette (from wikipedia)
The 'prime directive' in swinging is "no means no". This means
that rejection of a sexual advance does not require justification and
must always be respected. Respect for one's play partners is often a hallmark
of swinging activity, and violation of this directive can result in immediate
expulsion. Concordantly, in the US it is often regarded as impolite to
touch without asking, whereas in the UK and Europe both touching and gently
but firmly removing a touching hand are widely regarded as polite non-verbal
communication in the playroom context.
Many swingers who participate in penetrative sex whilst swinging are
strict about condom usage, including insisting on changing condoms between
partners. However, some members of the swinging community do engage in
unprotected sex, in a practice that is commonly known as barebacking.
When unsure, it is considered a polite necessity to establish these ground
rules before becoming sexually involved.
Some swingers believe that it's possible to spot others in the same way
that Gaydar is supposed to work (sometimes referred to as Playdar), while
others may rely on more overt signs. Among homosexual communities, a traditional
means to identify one another was a single earring in the right ear; however,
currently, there is no commonly used method for identifying swingers.
Some believe that actions such as a woman being flirtatious while their
significant other is present, men who offer their wives to dance or couples
entering a bar separately and spending the evening apart are ways to tell
if a couple swings. Obviously, these signs, both subtle and overt, are
difficult to perceive, and swingers are often averse to identifying themselves
in public. The growth of many swinging web sites on the Internet is partly
due to this, allowing swingers to communicate and meet without public
attention or the risk of offending non-swingers.
Bisexuals (from wikipedia)
Female bisexuality is extremely common in both the urban and traditional
swinging scene and tends to be the norm amongst participants.
Male bisexuality is less common in the swinging scene, but is becoming
more common and more accepted. More openly bi men and bisexual couples
(male-female couples where both partners are bisexual) are appearing on
the scene. Whether this is due to increasing acceptance in the scene or
greater numbers of men "turning bi" is open to discussion. Depending
on the club or social situation, male bisexuality among swingers may either
be frowned upon, or openly accepted. Generally, however, the open minded
nature of the Lifestyle community as a whole is conducive to acceptance
of bisexual men (though some choose not to engage in sexual activity with
them or with their partners.)
Clubs for gay or lesbian couples, where available, operate quite separately
from the broader swinging community. The organised gay community attempts
to be tolerant of this to some degree, but also exhibits some characteristics
of biphobia. Namely, they are hesitant to accept more "fluid"
sexualities such as bisexuality, believing that it undermines the category
of homosexuality as a whole. The primary difference, though, is that the
Lifestyle has, at its heart, a focus on sexual activity while the gay
community is centered around sexual orientation.
Concordantly, a heterosexual male trying to fulfill a fantasy of having
two women would be out-of-place in the lesbian community. Claiming to
be "female seeks female" where a "couple seeks female"
categorization is more appropriate may also draw negative reactions. Some
groups for bisexual women within the organised gay/lesbian community,
, therefore limit their membership to women only.
Polyamory (from wikipedia)
Polyamory specifically refers to individuals who sustain multiple emotional
relationships with other individuals. This allows for some overlap within
the swinging community. Polyamorists may engage in activity common to
swingers such as group sex and partner swapping. Swingers, through extended
sexual engagements with the same partners, may also develop strong friendships
with these partners. Deeper emotional relationships, however, are not
the norm and are considered a rarity. Most swingers distinguish between
the multiple emotional relationships present in polyamory, and the multiple
sexual relationships present in swinging.
Hot Wife (from wikipedia)
The term hot wife refers to a married woman who has sex with men other
than her spouse with her spouse's consent. In most cases the husbands
of these women will enjoy watching, hearing, or knowing about their wives'
adventures. Often the husbands take part, sometimes by engaging in a threesome,
or sometimes just arranging dates for their wives. A distinct subculture
of hotwiving is cuckolding. This subculture is generally defined by a
relationship in which the husband enjoys the humiliation of his wife being
sexually satisfied by other men.
Singles (from wikipedia)
The acceptance of singles at swinging events varies from geographic area
to geographic area. Some swinging 'clubs' have a policy of allowing only
couples and females, but most do allow single men on selected nights.
Single females are also often admitted at reduced admission price. Parties
and events may differ, however, and are often restricted to couples or
couples and single females only.
The reasons for this vary. Most (but certainly not all) of the people
who pay to participate in swinger events are male-female couples and most
swinging couples are more interested in interacting with other couples
or with single women than with single men. Thus, swinger events strive
to achieve a balance between male and female participants or have a (usually
slightly) larger number of females than males.
A common complaint among swingers is that single men change the tone
and nature of event. While outright hostility towards single men is rarely
prevalent, an abundance of single males is rarely looked upon favourably
in any swinging context. When single males are permitted their number
are usually limited by high entrance fees or stringent membership requirements.
Conversely, some oppose the involvement of any singles of either sex
in swinging because of the fear that they might split existing couples.
Dogging (from wikipedia)
Dogging is a British term for swinging based in cars that takes place
in a public but reasonably secluded area. There are several known dogging
spots across the UK where people go after dark, typically to engage in
voyeurism and exhibitionism but also to take part in group sex.
What are the benefits of being a swinger?
Get to explore their sexuality and sensuality in new
ways that they find are not easily to accept in traditional communities.
It a good way for bi-curious women and men to explore their potential
bisexuality without becoming involved in the lesbian or gay community
where many feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.
Swinging allows both men and women the opportunity to reject monogamy.
Individuals can also explore and learn lots more about their sexual interests.
Swinging can enhance a relationship and the commitment involved in the
couple’s relationship.
Becoming a swinger allows you to make many new friends.
Do swingers have rules?
No, there are no set rules in becoming a swinger or
entering a swinger lifestyle.
It suggested that you and your partner first agree in engagement
of such activity. Any rules or restrictions should be set by you and your
partner together. It is suggested that at the very least you and your
partner should have a little history together and familiarity with each
others’ emotional needs. It is believe that this helps with approaching
other couples who are in a swinger lifestyle.The general
rule of thumb is that swinging works best when couples view swinging as
an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship, rather than to replace
a fail one.
What is a Swingers Club?
Swingers clubs are organization, formal or informal,
which exists to provide swinging activities. Swing clubs exist in a variety
of forms. These include Swing Clubs, Party Houses, Circles and Socials,
Bars and Cocktail Lounges and Contact Services. All but the contact services
may be on-premises or off-premises. Contact services work through the
mail or telephone and rarely provide swing parties although they may promote
group travel. Parties given by on-premises swing clubs may have from ten
to sixty or more couples, though twenty to forty couples is the common
average. On-premises means that sexual activity occurs at the party. Off
premises swing clubs, cocktail lounges and bars help you to meet other
swingers. Swinging will be elsewhere with the interested couples and singles
responsible for the arrangements. The arrangements include who is to be
invited, the location, date and time.
We're curious, but want to just
see what a club is all about, can we do that?
Certainly, you can. Call or write any club you are interested in visiting.
If calling, be prepared to talk to an answering machine and to leave a
number for them to contact you. It is ill advised to call any club during
operating hours to try to pick their brain while they are tending to the
members at the club. Most clubs will be more than happy to answer any
questions about their club, especially if they can call you when it's
not so hectic for them.
Can we be up front about our sexual desires?
Yes by all means be up-front. It is essential that
everyone know up-front what they are getting into. You could save everyone
from a potentially embarrassing situation later on. If you are Bi, and
it is important that your partner also be bi, make sure your new found
friends are too. Also find out about everyone's limits.
What happens If a couple comes on to us and
we're not comfortable with them?
Just say "NO, Thank You". Respect another couple's right to
selectivity. We are all great people, but for one reason or another we
may not appeal to another couple NOW. A "NO" today may not mean
a " NO " tomorrow. But don't be pushy about it.
If a couple or a situation make you feel ill-at-ease,
perhaps it's time to invoke the rule of "NO Thank You" You should
never feel pressured into doing anything you are not comfortable doing.
You're here to have fun. Being coerced is NO FUN. So if anyone persists,
talk to the host couple.
What happens if someone does
not take "NO" for an answer.
If a couple or a person can't take "NO" for an answer, you should
immediately tell the host or hostess in charge about this. They're trained
to deal with this in a friendly unobtrusive manner without causing you
or the person bothering you any embarrassment.
I want to meet other couples, but we're very
shy.
As a group, couples are friendly outgoing people.
But it is a two-way street. You should introduce yourself to the others
there. If you're unusually shy, or if the group appears cliquish, ask
your host to make some introductions for you. That's why they are there.
And, remember most couples have come to meet other new couples.
Respect other peoples right to Privacy and be discreet.
What you see, or what you heard and where you saw it is all privileged
information. Don't abuse this privilege.
A final reminder to very E X P E R I E N C E D PlayCouples.
Take some time with new couples. A friendly chat over a drink, or cup
of coffee goes a long way. Remember once upon a time . . . , you were
new to all this too.
Single Females
You will find in a lifestyle a place to seek out whatever your fantasies
may be. You can participate in this lifestyle at any pace you want to.
You can meet another lady, a couple or a man. You can enjoy whatever level
of involvement you want to. Fantasy A threesome with a lady is the most
common fantasy in our lifestyle. You can pick and choose what ever you
want or whatever you don't want to do. You make the rules. Be assured
that no means no.and that your wishes will be respected. Of course there
is much more to this lifestyle than a menage' a trois. You can discover
your sexuality and enjoy your freedom. Really it's up to you! Single Married
Ladies This lifestyle is an honest open lifestyle. It is based on trust
and friendship.
Single Men
Single Men have the hardest road to finding success in the "Swinging
Lifestyle". Most clubs do not admit single men. The reasons for this
are plentiful but the most obvious reason is that there are far more men
that want to participate in this lifestyle than there is a demand for
them. Catch 22. Still there is a place for single guys in our lifestyle.
Yet it is difficult making contact. How do you meet and contact people
that are interested? Be it a female partner or couples interested in playing?.
Single Married Men This lifestyle is an honest open lifestyle. It is based
on trust and friendship. Most clubs will NOT allow married individuals
to participate with or without their partners participation.
Couples in Swinging
Swinging is "the recreation" for couples whether they are married,
committed (having an ongoing emotional commitment), living together (co-habitating,
with or without an on-going intimate relationship) or single couples who
date. A study of swinging couples (McGinley, 1979) reported increased
enjoyment and satisfaction in the relationships accompanied by a better
understanding of self and mate, greater intimacy between the partners
and a decrease in sex role playing and sexist expectations.
Swinging enables a couple to explore sexual and social feelings and needs
together, permitting a demystification of sex which allows sex to assume
a place in the relationship unhindered by the standard ties to love, duty,
sex roles and morals of others.
Women in Swinging
It is certainly an understatement to say that the role of women in our
society has greatly changed over the past several decades. The humanistic
and woman’s movements have had an impact on sexuality also. The
number of women choosing involvement in swinging during the past few years
is remarkable. Sexual and social assertiveness on the part of women at
swing parties and other swing activities is not only acceptable, it has
come to be expected.
To openly be oneself without fear of seeming unfeminine is a delightful
experience for a woman and a welcome experience for the man. Swinging
provides the environment to alter sex-role playing for both sexes, allowing
men and women to participate with each other in a uniquely human experience.
Men in Swinging
Whether married, in a relationship or single, swinging can be a wonderful
experience for a man. Not surprisingly, most women who are into swinging
were introduced to the lifestyle by a man in their life. Also not surprising,
many men would swing if only they could. They are hindered from the experience
by their marriage, or if single, their inability to find a woman for a
swinging partner. Of course, guilt feelings about sex and pleasure, and
sex roles, also hinder men from swinging.
Men are not the macho, always ready, self-reliant persons of fiction.
They are as human as their female counterparts. They experience loneliness
and fear rejection. A man, on convincing his wife to try swinging, may
experience unexpected jealousy and a feeling of loss when she walks hand
in hand, partially nude and obviously excited, toward a bedroom with another
towel-clad man. He had fantasized himself in swinging but had not comprehended
the reality of his wife or mate swinging.
As with women, the experience of swinging can be growth producing for
a man. It alters forever traditional concepts of man-woman relationships
with sexist overtones. Through swinging, a man can experience a great
deal of pleasure.
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